Dear Mr. Shane Victorino:
In case you (or anybody) needed proof that the Red Sox are poisonous, let’s take a brief look at your MLB evolution.
At the Padres, 2003-2005:
At the Phillies, 2005-2012:
At the Dodgers, for like ten minutes:
And now to Boston, just this season:
Nothing too weird here, right? Just the requisite facial hair and punk attitude and overall disheveledness. With a dash of bugging eyes and some borderline crazy. I’m all about reinventing oneself. You bet. And maybe all that cold in Boston’s frozen your Hawaiian brain. It happens. But I think it’d be worth it—and wouldn’t jeopardize any superstitions or streaks or World Series whateverness—if you could take the white supremacist/meth addict persona down a couple of marks and keep things mentally healthy for the last few games. I know Boston likes to think it’s scrappy, but there’s plenty of high brow hiding underneath the right-angled accent, no matter what those drunken fans are leading you to believe.
Can’t wait to see you all cleaned up in the off season (and I bet your wife and kids agree with me on this one),