I Cannot Believe This Is Real


Dear Robert Haleluk:

I am writing to inform you that I’ve awarded you points for innovation for your “The Dipr” product.  I like creativity, and I like to see it rewarded.  You explain:

My favorite snack as a kid was Oreos and milk, but they would always break and fall into the milk if I dunked them for too long! As an adult, I still had the same problem so I set out to solve the issue and created the dipr. Now, all ages can enjoy the dunking experience without losing their cookies!

Eating cookies should never be a frustrating experience.  You’re helping millions.

However.  Dipping Oreos is an art to be mastered, not subverted.  Figuring out how to dip one’s chocolate sandwich cookie into the milk without losing it is part of an important process one needs to practice.  With dedication, one can elevate it to an art.  And as my sister pointed out years ago, one has to swallow that last drink of dunked cookie milk “like a shot” in order to get all the lost goods and efficiently complete one’s treat time.  So unfortunately, Mr. Haleluk, with this product, you’re being a bit of a killjoy.

As a result, I am also writing to inform you that anything that deters something from ascending to its endowed level of art results in lost points.  I think you can see where I’m going with this.  Additionally, your decision to throw spelling to the wind with the naming of this product is resulting in a further point reduction.

Please grab yourself a napkin and enjoy your Oreos like a big boy,

A. Olson