Dear Restoration Hardware:
Just writing to let you know that I received the over five pound catalog bundle you sent me in the mail yesterday.
Two things: 1) My mail carrier travels her route by foot and is badly need of a hip replacement. (I know. It’s a lot. Which is why I only order stuff via UPS anymore. Watching her deliver my mail gives me considerable guilt. Good thing I missed her team lifting this thing into my letter box.) And 2) I am poor. As in a-combined-income-that-just-barely-disqualifies-my-kids-for-reduced-lunch poor. Purchasing a $549 carved ibex head isn’t quite on my list of upcoming purchases. (Although I’ll put it there. Right after that set of fake plaster book facades you all seem to be enamored of as well–great gig, by the way, it makes us look smart and color coordinated with none of the bothersome content.)
So to be clear, I’m not your target audience. My home has too many colors in it for me to be your target audience. But man do I want to meet whomever is so I can ask them to start a scholarship fund for my children’s college education.
Carpe Diem to you too,
A. Olson
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