Red Sox are the worst

It Seems You’ve Had an Evolution

Posted by

1

Dear Mr. Shane Victorino:

In case you (or anybody) needed proof that the Red Sox are poisonous, let’s take a brief look at your MLB evolution.

At the Padres, 2003-2005:

padres

So clean cut. Likely the team bus monitor.

At the Phillies, 2005-2012:

Shane Victorino

Committed, engaged, but still appearing respectable and respectful.

At the Dodgers, for like ten minutes:

dodgers

Nice smile, clean teeth, friendly.

And now to Boston, just this season:

Shane Victorino red sox 2 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Nothing too weird here, right?  Just the requisite facial hair and punk attitude and overall disheveledness.  With a dash of bugging eyes and some borderline crazy.  I’m all about reinventing oneself.  You bet.  And maybe all that cold in Boston’s frozen your Hawaiian brain.  It happens.  But I think it’d be worth it—and wouldn’t jeopardize any superstitions or streaks or World Series whateverness—if you could take the white supremacist/meth addict persona down a couple of marks and keep things mentally healthy for the last few games.  I know Boston likes to think it’s scrappy, but there’s plenty of high brow hiding underneath the right-angled accent, no matter what those drunken fans are leading you to believe.

Can’t wait to see you all cleaned up in the off season (and I bet your wife and kids agree with me on this one),

A. Olson